Marceline: “Alice, dear, could you possibly manage to look a trifle less bored?” Alice: “Are you kidding? We’re dressed up like cats. What is this accomplishing?” Marceline: “It’s keeping us in the spotlight. As every good starlet knows, there are things you simply must do to keep the […]
It was the wedding of the decade, with the rich and famous for miles around flocking to view the nuptials. The reception afterwards was a smashing success, with the flashbulbs of the paparazzi lighting up the night and the gossip columnists rhapsodizing in the evening editions of all […]
Mae: “What do you mean you don’t know what to do?” Buck: “Your foot is stuck in the drain. Why did you call me? I sell ice cream. Did you get hungry while you were waiting for someone who can actually help you to get here?” Mae: “You’re […]
Celine: “Are you serious?” Rupert: “I know! I couldn’t believe it myself. My parents actually think that I’m heterosexual and that you and I are in a relationship.” Celine: “That’s wonderful! Let’s head over to Christopher Street and wait for Gay Pride to be invented.”
Tour Guide: “And over here, boys and girls, we have the Charles F. Nelson house.” Little Billy: “Who cares.” Little Andy: “My juice box is empty.” Little Sally: “I gotta pee.” Tour Guide: “It’s one of the most famous houses in Olalla, Washington.” Little Billy: “Why? Did somebody […]
Oprah Winfrey: “Hi there. I’m working on new stories for my magazine and I just had a few questions for you.” Vin Diesel: “How did you get in here? I instructed my guards to shoot anyone who wasn’t an agent bringing me the script for Fast and Furious […]
Man with Stupid Hat: “Look, you need to give me the information or I will be forced to do unsavory things with this bullwhip.” Pola: “I have already told you that I will never reveal the secrets that I’m pretending that I don’t have. I am prepared to […]
Judy: “Do you see what’s going on over there?” Gene: “Do you mean the people who are staring at us for wearing ridiculous outfits?” Judy: “No, not them. Wait, why do you think our outfits are ridiculous? These are custom made.” Gene: “I have dice for nipples. And […]
Wallace: “You seem a bit out of sorts, my pet.” Joan: “Of course I’m out of sorts. Did you see how they treated me when we checked into this awful hotel? Wallace: “My dear, this is one of the most exquisite hotels in the country. The staff is […]
Joan Crawford: “Bob, we really need to talk.” Robert Aldrich: “What is it now, Joan? Was the caviar on the craft services table not stellar enough?” Joan: “Very funny. No, you need to talk to the people who are doing my hair. They aren’t listening to me.” Robert: […]
Delusions of Grand Fir… Boris, left: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down? It’s mid-March, springtime. We should be planting things, not looking at dried-out shrubbery.” Ginger, right: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is […]
Pretension and Posturing… The Old Oak Cliff Conservation League holds an annual Tour of Homes in our little neck of the woods, an event that is quite popular, with thousands of people plunking down money to analyze and criticize what other people do with their money. The attending crowd is usually an interesting mix […]
On the other side of the wall… Note: The following is an alternate take on the action in the previous post. And yes, this one is twisted. Things happened when you couldn’t leave the house during That Covid Mess… Saffrogette, left: “And then you bounce the ball and you try to grab the jacks before […]
Random Randiness… Note: During the first few crazy months of the Corona Virus Mess, I ran a series of daily posts trying to make light of the matter, despite the actual seriousness of such. (Humor in the dark, so to speak.) This is one of those entries… Babs, left: “Darling, you know we can’t get […]
Note: The following is an excerpt from one of my books-in-progress, a sordid tale of the time when a mass contingent of my family stupidly decided to go on a Carnival Cruise, wherein we were expected to behave in wholesome manner. (This was never going to happen, the wholesomeness, but still.) All you really need […]
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