Later that night, the sisters at Saint Expulsia’s Convent of Cloistered Celibates were unable to sleep, probably because someone had put just a little too much sugar in the tapioca pudding served at the Chastity Dinner earlier that night. Bored and vibrating, they gathered in Sister Socialita’s spartan […]
Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.” Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural.” Ed: “No, I mean singular. The good ole thrust and grind […]
Rita’s exuberance on learning that she had just won the lead role in “Gilda”, although completely understandable, was not entirely appreciated by the guests at her weekly Float and Guzzle pool party. After all, once you get chlorine in your beverage, things can go sour rather quickly…
It was at this precise moment when a young Ronald Reagan began confusing “starlets who will desperately do anything to catch the eye of a casting agent” with “everybody loves me and I should run for President!” Sadly, this disconnect with reality has since become the hallmark of […]
Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?” Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the […]
Monty: “Are you okay? You seem to be a bit distraught.” Lizzie: “I’m fine. I’ve just been thinking about things and I’m a little blue.” Monty: “Ah, so you’re aware of it as well. The stylist has given you entirely too much volume for the time period of […]
Archaeologist #1: “What the hell is that?” Archaeologist #2: “Well, based on my research notes, this appears to be a rare specimen from the Golden Age of Hollywood.” Archaeologist #1: “What made that age golden?” Archaeologist #2: “I’m assuming it was a time when humans were able to […]
The original inspiration for Mitt Romney’s infamous (and election-costing) comment about “binders of women”.
Orson, left: “Why are you staring at me like that? Can’t a guy watch a movie in peace?” Joseph, right: “Well, I couldn’t help but notice that you appear to be… attending to a self-pleasure ritual that is not quite appropriate for our establishment.” Orson: “Look, I paid […]
Glenda, far left: “And Ted thought that just because I dance in a burlesque show that he could have his way with me! I broke up with him on the spot. I’m not going to be with a man who thinks we should have constant sex at all […]
Delusions of Grand Fir… Boris, left: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down? It’s mid-March, springtime. We should be planting things, not looking at dried-out shrubbery.” Ginger, right: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is […]
Pretension and Posturing… The Old Oak Cliff Conservation League holds an annual Tour of Homes in our little neck of the woods, an event that is quite popular, with thousands of people plunking down money to analyze and criticize what other people do with their money. The attending crowd is usually an interesting mix […]
On the other side of the wall… Note: The following is an alternate take on the action in the previous post. And yes, this one is twisted. Things happened when you couldn’t leave the house during That Covid Mess… Saffrogette, left: “And then you bounce the ball and you try to grab the jacks before […]
Random Randiness… Note: During the first few crazy months of the Corona Virus Mess, I ran a series of daily posts trying to make light of the matter, despite the actual seriousness of such. (Humor in the dark, so to speak.) This is one of those entries… Babs, left: “Darling, you know we can’t get […]
Note: The following is an excerpt from one of my books-in-progress, a sordid tale of the time when a mass contingent of my family stupidly decided to go on a Carnival Cruise, wherein we were expected to behave in wholesome manner. (This was never going to happen, the wholesomeness, but still.) All you really need […]
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