Tag: Books

Past Imperfect – #580

Evelyn: “I still don’t understand why you brought me down to the station.” Detective: “Well, we’re investigating a homicide that took place two hours ago at Chez Vache Heureuse, that fancy restaurant over on Snooty Lane.” Evelyn: “A homicide? Goodness. Was anybody hurt?” Detective: “I guess you could […]

Past Imperfect – #579

They showed up. They got their trophies. Discussion ensued. Lurlene, left, lovingly: “These cups are so pretty, just like me. Aren’t you excited that we won?” Raychelle, right, wretchedly: “It’s about as exciting as a bowel movement. We were both bound to have one today.” Lurlene, peevishly: “Don’t […]

Past Imperfect – #578

Jordan, left: “I see that you have once again misunderstood my very specific directives about our attire this evening. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Joseph, right: “I misunderstood nothing. You said that I was to wear a formal tie and a boutonnière. I have done both, despite […]

Past Imperfect – #576

Prosecuting Attorney: “If it pleases the court, I’d like to present this photo as exhibit A.” Judge Crotchbump: “It doesn’t matter if it pleases me or not. You’re an attorney. You present things, I make a ruling about the quality of your presentation based on the 700 years […]

Past Imperfect – #574

Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.” Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural.” Ed: “No, I mean singular. The good ole thrust and grind […]

Past Imperfect – #573

In an alternate reality, one much closer to the truth than he will ever admit, Donald Trump prepares for his next press conference. In the background, nearly hidden behind whatever that odd pole-thing is supposed to be, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, current White House Press Secretary, gnashes her teeth. […]

Past Imperfect – #570

It was at this precise moment that Clara realized her lover had been cheating on her. It was the same moment when Charles first noticed that his lover sported an unnatural pallor that spoke of midnight resurrections and a possible guest appearance in an Anne Rice novel. One […]

Past Imperfect – #569

Henry: “I yearn for you desperately.” Barbara: “How touching. But as you can see by the perfect curl artfully-arranged on my forehead, I’m not particularly fond of touching. Because it might jack with the curl and I spent far too much time in makeup for such a thing […]

Past Imperfect – #568

Whoopi: “Hello?” Voice: “Yes, could I speak to the lady of the house?” Whoopi: “We don’t have a lady of the house. We have a wretched, spoiled woman with no soul or sense of shame.” Voice: “Perfect! That’s just the type of person that interests me.” Wretched Woman, […]

Past Imperfect – #565

Greta, the wife, left: “Is this what it’s come to, with this massive table representing the distance in our marriage?” Felix, the servant, fiddling with who knows what, center, whispering: “Girl, don’t poke the bear. You know he has unregulated testosterone issues.” Anders, husband, possible bear, right: “Whatever […]