Carole: “Darling, how thoughtful of you. I’ve always wanted my own personal callous remover. You think of everything.” Darling: “Actually, I didn’t think of everything. I forgot to call you downstairs when it was time to open presents. Christmas was two weeks ago.” Carole: “Really? I hadn’t noticed. […]
Myrna: “Well, then. I guess we should explore our backyard more often. Who knew that you could stand at this part of the fence and see directly into the neighbor’s living room, where they appear to be decorating the Christmas tree in the nude. Is that a thing […]
Him: “So, it’s happening again, is it?” Her: “I’m afraid so. It’s Christmas time in the city.” Him: “Silver bells and snowy WordPress themes?” Her: “Ring-a-ling and hear them ping.” Him: “You know, when I was a wee lad, I really enjoyed Christmas. So much wonder and hope.” […]
Little Sally: “Are we really supposed to eat that? It looks like roadkill.” Little Billy: “I know it’s not pretty. But it’s only a month until Christmas and you know what that means.” Little Sally: “That there will be another one of these dead birds on the table?” […]
Producer: “I just want to know what drugs you were taking when you came up with this. Because I want to make sure that I never take them myself.” PR Consultant: “But, isn’t this movie about a lost Italian princess who falls in love with Frosty the Snowman?” […]
Clara’s Diary: “December 24th, late. So I met this guy. I was at a bar in West Hollywood, that part of town where all the set decorators live. I really only went in there because I really needed to pee. We’d been to the Cocoanut Grove earlier, and […]
There are many things that a Hollywood Starlet must do in order to be promoted to Hollywood Star, even if they don’t particularly relish those things. In this fine example, the powers that be are forcing Carole to appear enraptured by her potential Christmas gifts whilst wearing skimpy […]
It soon became clear that the eggnog had been spiked a bit more forcefully than anyone intended. By the end of the night, three people had filed for divorce, two people were in therapy, and one person had written a play entitled “You Can’t Go Home Again and […]
During the Christmas party at the Wee Republicans Country Club, the little urchins tried to behave themselves. But they really just wanted the old man to stop talking and start handing out the tax shelters and regulatory loopholes they had requested on their wish lists…
Santa smiled at the sight of the little tykes having fallen asleep whilst awaiting his arrival. Then he noticed the Prissy Polly doll positioned precisely below the midpoint of the window ledge, a possible sign of cult activity, according to a brochure he had read whilst flying over […]
I know I’ve been a very bad boy, off doing my own thing and (mostly) ignoring WordPress. It’s been a full two weeks since I’ve posted anything here, and I’m mildly blue about such. That being the case, I thought I’d best share something extra fun (at least in my own mind) to make amends. […]
In a random moment of erratic thinking, I thought it might be fun to compare my own psychological development with a fictional TV family. Here we go… 1. Cindy At first, this little urchin seems to be a non-starter, as we have little in common on the surface. But as I pondered more (there’s always […]
Background Note: This is a post from one of my long-abandoned sites wherein I assumed the persona of a pompous therapist and answered “real” questions submitted by the readers. Dear Dr. Brian, Why do people try to put round pegs in square holes? submitted by Serena L. Sweetie, Fess up. Were you drinking when […]
Laura thought she had the perfect existence. After all, four suitors were vying for her hand in marriage. Of course, three of them were related, although it wasn’t clear if they were related to her or each other or some combination therein. (This is what happens when the same families live in the same small […]
Note: This is a piece I recently shared on Medium, “my other blogging network”… I’ve been tagged a number of times regarding this concept, gentle nudges of inspiration, and I was feeling a bit guilty about ignoring said prompts and not jumping into the fray. And so it came to be, on this otherwise uneventful […]
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