Mae and Jimmy, rehearsing the infamous grapefruit scene. Mae: “I don’t know about this. It sounds kind of violent.” Jimmy: “Don’t worry about it, doll. I’m just gonna barely tap you with it. Just like this.” Mae: “But what about that other movie where you dragged me by […]
Donald Trump: The Early Years…
Gunnar: “Okay, help me understand why you’re acting this way.” Eva: “You couldn’t possibly grasp my needs. You’re a man, I’m a woman. Different worlds.” Gunnar: “Really? So my ownership of a penis precludes me from any value in this relationship?” Eva: “Essentially. You willfully choose not to […]
Mae: “You know, something just occurred to me.” Jimmy: “And what are your thoughts, my special lady of the evening? Are you rapturously satisfied after my stellar boudoir performance?” Mae: “Oh. Did we have sex? I didn’t realize. Perhaps I was distracted.” Jimmy: “Surely you are at least […]
Douglass: “Mae, my sugar bunny, whatever is troubling you so? Mae: “Oh, Douglass, the agony is so intense that I can barely speak!” Douglass: “Now, now. Stop writhing like a Pentecostal. Tell me what has happened. Are you hurt? Is there some blood loss that I need to […]
Photographer: “Okay, do you think this is a convincing shot of Troy wooing the ladies?” Agent: “I think it’s convincing me that Troy is afraid of ancient Roman women who are happy that they survived the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Try again.”
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they really shouldn’t follow the lead of their friends. This is clearly one of them…
It was a Sisterhood Rule understood by all conscientious women: If you suddenly realize that everyone in your entourage has failed miserably with their coiffures for the day, you must divert attention from your follicular tragedies by engaging in inexplicable behavior. In this case, the members of the […]
Man on the Left: “Are you kidding me? I came by to pay my respects and not only are you not dead, but you find it appropriate to pull a gun on me? Let me guess. You were home-schooled?” Man in the Coffin: “Jest if you must, but […]
I know I’ve been a very bad boy, off doing my own thing and (mostly) ignoring WordPress. It’s been a full two weeks since I’ve posted anything here, and I’m mildly blue about such. That being the case, I thought I’d best share something extra fun (at least in my own mind) to make amends. […]
In a random moment of erratic thinking, I thought it might be fun to compare my own psychological development with a fictional TV family. Here we go… 1. Cindy At first, this little urchin seems to be a non-starter, as we have little in common on the surface. But as I pondered more (there’s always […]
Background Note: This is a post from one of my long-abandoned sites wherein I assumed the persona of a pompous therapist and answered “real” questions submitted by the readers. Dear Dr. Brian, Why do people try to put round pegs in square holes? submitted by Serena L. Sweetie, Fess up. Were you drinking when […]
Laura thought she had the perfect existence. After all, four suitors were vying for her hand in marriage. Of course, three of them were related, although it wasn’t clear if they were related to her or each other or some combination therein. (This is what happens when the same families live in the same small […]
Note: This is a piece I recently shared on Medium, “my other blogging network”… I’ve been tagged a number of times regarding this concept, gentle nudges of inspiration, and I was feeling a bit guilty about ignoring said prompts and not jumping into the fray. And so it came to be, on this otherwise uneventful […]
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