Later that night, the sisters at Saint Expulsia’s Convent of Cloistered Celibates were unable to sleep, probably because someone had put just a little too much sugar in the tapioca pudding served at the Chastity Dinner earlier that night. Bored and vibrating, they gathered in Sister Socialita’s spartan […]
Fair warning: This one is twisted, even for me… Daughter, far left: “Mother, he’s doing it again.” Mother, near left: “Who is doing what, dear?” Daughter: “Father. He’s staring at me again. In that way that we talked about.” Mother: “Dear, we talk about a lot of things. […]
Evelyn: “I still don’t understand why you brought me down to the station.” Detective: “Well, we’re investigating a homicide that took place two hours ago at Chez Vache Heureuse, that fancy restaurant over on Snooty Lane.” Evelyn: “A homicide? Goodness. Was anybody hurt?” Detective: “I guess you could […]
They showed up. They got their trophies. Discussion ensued. Lurlene, left, lovingly: “These cups are so pretty, just like me. Aren’t you excited that we won?” Raychelle, right, wretchedly: “It’s about as exciting as a bowel movement. We were both bound to have one today.” Lurlene, peevishly: “Don’t […]
Jordan, left: “I see that you have once again misunderstood my very specific directives about our attire this evening. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Joseph, right: “I misunderstood nothing. You said that I was to wear a formal tie and a boutonnière. I have done both, despite […]
Ronald Reagan, Donald Trump and Joe Biden walk into a bar… Ronnie, left: “Some day I’m gonna be president.” Trumpy, middle: “Why would you do that? Is there any money in it?” Joey, right: “I’m gonna be president, too. But first I’m gonna be a Councilor and then […]
Prosecuting Attorney: “If it pleases the court, I’d like to present this photo as exhibit A.” Judge Crotchbump: “It doesn’t matter if it pleases me or not. You’re an attorney. You present things, I make a ruling about the quality of your presentation based on the 700 years […]
Meredith knew she had put it off long enough. She had hemmed. She had hawed. She had worked on things that didn’t need working, piddled with things that didn’t need piddling, and dicked with things that didn’t need dicking. She had even scrubbed all the toilets in the […]
In an alternate reality, one much closer to the truth than he will ever admit, Donald Trump prepares for his next press conference. In the background, nearly hidden behind whatever that odd pole-thing is supposed to be, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, current White House Press Secretary, gnashes her teeth. […]
Barbara: “My goodness, Mr. Fonda, you seem to be clutching my hand with lusty intention. Was it something I said?” Henry: “Well, no. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s what you’re wearing.” Barbara: “Oh, this little number? It’s merely something I threw together at the last minute. The […]
Delusions of Grand Fir… Boris, left: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down? It’s mid-March, springtime. We should be planting things, not looking at dried-out shrubbery.” Ginger, right: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is […]
Pretension and Posturing… The Old Oak Cliff Conservation League holds an annual Tour of Homes in our little neck of the woods, an event that is quite popular, with thousands of people plunking down money to analyze and criticize what other people do with their money. The attending crowd is usually an interesting mix […]
On the other side of the wall… Note: The following is an alternate take on the action in the previous post. And yes, this one is twisted. Things happened when you couldn’t leave the house during That Covid Mess… Saffrogette, left: “And then you bounce the ball and you try to grab the jacks before […]
Random Randiness… Note: During the first few crazy months of the Corona Virus Mess, I ran a series of daily posts trying to make light of the matter, despite the actual seriousness of such. (Humor in the dark, so to speak.) This is one of those entries… Babs, left: “Darling, you know we can’t get […]
Note: The following is an excerpt from one of my books-in-progress, a sordid tale of the time when a mass contingent of my family stupidly decided to go on a Carnival Cruise, wherein we were expected to behave in wholesome manner. (This was never going to happen, the wholesomeness, but still.) All you really need […]
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