Tag: Movies

Past Imperfect – #555

Betty was a bit concerned. She could hear the folks outside her dressing room, babbling about the thing that someone had done to the actress in the other dressing room. Betty was fully aware of the thing, because she had done it. But she thought she had done […]

Past Imperfect – #554

Heidi, apparently just back from Rehab: “Grandpa, I missed you so.” Grandpa, apparently in need of such: “And I missed you, too, little… um… I’m sorry. I can’t recall your name. Our family breeds like rabbits on moonshine and there are 47 girls running about who look just […]

Past Imperfect – #552

George: “I’m so happy to finally have you in my arms.” Janet: “Oh, is that what you’re calling these things that are encircling my virginal body with an intensity that I can’t fully appreciate? For some reason, the phrase ‘death claws’ comes to mind.” George: “Whatever do you […]

Past Imperfect – #551

Carole was a bit troubled. That last things she could firmly recall in the fevered menagerie of her mind was that she had spent a quiet evening at home, enjoying a bit of stir-fry based on a recipe a neighbor had handed her during one of those awkward […]

Past Imperfect – #550

Nora: “Darling, must we really do this?” Nick: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nora: “Of course you have an idea. You have an odd-looking piece of artillery positioned precisely above your crotch. I’m not sure what you’re trying to prove. We are both fully aware […]

Past Imperfect – #549

Janet, wife, captured in radiant afterglow: “Why on earth would you say such a thing?” Humberto, current but tentative husband, not captured because he was in the throes of a Bad Hair Day, that wretched beast: “I say such a thing because your glow speaks of life-changing sexual […]

Past Imperfect – #546

Tallulah Bankhead: “Dear God, would you look at me in these PR shots? The stress fractures on my face are bad enough, but that claw-hand I’ve got going on is far too much. I really need to cut it back to one bottle of bourbon a day. John […]

Past Imperfect – #544

Carole, Actress: “Wait a minute, I’m sensing something.” Robert, Actor: “And I’m sensing that you’re straddling my crotch with malevolent intent. Not that I mind.” Carole: “No, it goes beyond our crude attempt to get past the censors with suggestive but benign foreplay. It seems that a writer […]

Past Imperfect – #543

At the very last moment, the Sharks hired Marlon Soprano, a freelance dancer who didn’t care which team he played for as long as he got to perform his signature move, a double backflip ending in a manly split dripping with testosterone but no actual damage to the […]