Janet, wife, captured in radiant afterglow: “Why on earth would you say such a thing?” Humberto, current but tentative husband, not captured because he was in the throes of a Bad Hair Day, that wretched beast: “I say such a thing because your glow speaks of life-changing sexual […]
Harmon, the first husband: “I know our relationship is rocky, and that you will one day leave me because I’m an insufferable sexist, but can I at least say you look stunningly beautiful in this moment.” Bette: “Why, Harmon Oscar, such a notion from you. I must say […]
Director: “Greta, dear, it would be really swell if you could get off this couch and report to the set. Because making movies works best when the actors actually do that. Are you following me?” Greta: “Following you? Are you talking about SpaceLook? You know I don’t do […]
Archaeologist #1: “What the hell is that?” Archaeologist #2: “Well, based on my research notes, this appears to be a rare specimen from the Golden Age of Hollywood.” Archaeologist #1: “What made that age golden?” Archaeologist #2: “I’m assuming it was a time when humans were able to […]
Casting director at the initial movie production meeting: “So we have several actors to choose from and I’ve arranged their photos on this wall so we can-” Producer: “That one, right there. That’s gonna sell a movie. Who is he?” Casting director: “Oh, he’s a nobody, but his […]
The original inspiration for Mitt Romney’s infamous (and election-costing) comment about “binders of women”.
Linda was surprised that her employer would walk in on her like that. Her employer was surprised that his maid had completely misunderstood his request that she clean the cobwebs out of the corners…
Ernie: “Well, would you look at that. Those fancy Hollywood reporters are following us into the woods cuz they think we’re somethin’ special.” Addie Mae: “Sugar, they ain’t reporters. Them are dentists lookin’ for some revenue cuz Obamacare says they got to do some actual work if they […]
Janet: “Oh my God! That policeman is clearly following me and he’s going to pull me over and he’s going to find the money I stole and I’ll end up in a women’s prison, sharing a cell with someone named Ivana who will whore me out to all […]
Katharine: “Okay, here’s the plan. We’re going to discreetly but forcefully dance our way over to the hostess and then I’m going take her down for snubbing me in the reception line.” David: “Well, I foresee two complications that might belittle the dignity of your efforts. One, you […]
I know I’ve been a very bad boy, off doing my own thing and (mostly) ignoring WordPress. It’s been a full two weeks since I’ve posted anything here, and I’m mildly blue about such. That being the case, I thought I’d best share something extra fun (at least in my own mind) to make amends. […]
In a random moment of erratic thinking, I thought it might be fun to compare my own psychological development with a fictional TV family. Here we go… 1. Cindy At first, this little urchin seems to be a non-starter, as we have little in common on the surface. But as I pondered more (there’s always […]
Background Note: This is a post from one of my long-abandoned sites wherein I assumed the persona of a pompous therapist and answered “real” questions submitted by the readers. Dear Dr. Brian, Why do people try to put round pegs in square holes? submitted by Serena L. Sweetie, Fess up. Were you drinking when […]
Laura thought she had the perfect existence. After all, four suitors were vying for her hand in marriage. Of course, three of them were related, although it wasn’t clear if they were related to her or each other or some combination therein. (This is what happens when the same families live in the same small […]
Note: This is a piece I recently shared on Medium, “my other blogging network”… I’ve been tagged a number of times regarding this concept, gentle nudges of inspiration, and I was feeling a bit guilty about ignoring said prompts and not jumping into the fray. And so it came to be, on this otherwise uneventful […]
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