Harmon, the first husband: “I know our relationship is rocky, and that you will one day leave me because I’m an insufferable sexist, but can I at least say you look stunningly beautiful in this moment.” Bette: “Why, Harmon Oscar, such a notion from you. I must say […]
Whilst other starlets dreamed of beautiful sets and handsome leading men and having a clever mansion on the good end of Sunset Boulevard, young Bette envisioned the day when she could slap Joan Crawford repeatedly during multiple takes….
Anne, far left: “Well, what do we have here? It appears that George has arrived, dubiously escorting some young strumpet with stars in her eyes. How gauche.” Bette, near left: “Oh, come now, Anne. If memory serves, you were the strumpet in question a mere two days ago, […]
Mary: “Why on earth are you banging on my door at such a socially-unacceptable hour?” Bette: “Don’t play coy with me. I’ve known for months that my husband has been cheating on me. I just didn’t know where or who, so I hired a detective and he phoned […]
Celeste, left: “I’m really not impressed with how this evening has been going so far.” Bette, middle: “I hear ya, sister. We haven’t had a fresh cocktail for at least an hour.” Hugh, right: “Do either of you even realize that we are not on the Upper West […]
Bette, left: “What did you just say?” Olivia, right: “I said that I love you as a sister but I can’t fully support you leaving the house looking like that.” Bette: “And why is that?” Olivia: “Well, two reasons. One is that no one wears tropical attire after […]
Leslie: “My dearest wish is that you understand how much I care for you. You are my pearl, my endless delight, my everything.” Bette: “Well, I’ve got a few wishes of my own. Three of them, actually. First, somebody needs to speak to you about halitosis. It’s a […]
Surgeon General’s Warning: Studies have shown that the over-consumption of alcohol is perhaps the only way to survive awkward social engagements with people who have never read a book in their entire lives…
Bette: “I’m so over all of this.” Leslie: “What has you feeling so blue, my love? The lack of decent roles for older women in Hollywood?” Bette: “No, I’m tired of this tiny woman trying to show me her crotch all the time.” Leslie: “She does seem rather […]
Bette: “Hmm. Just as I suspected, the gardener did not trim the begonias as I instructed.” Joan: “How on Earth can you be thinking about flowers at a time like this? You are keeping me prisoner in this house as we both struggle through a movie script that […]
Delusions of Grand Fir… Boris, left: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down? It’s mid-March, springtime. We should be planting things, not looking at dried-out shrubbery.” Ginger, right: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is […]
Pretension and Posturing… The Old Oak Cliff Conservation League holds an annual Tour of Homes in our little neck of the woods, an event that is quite popular, with thousands of people plunking down money to analyze and criticize what other people do with their money. The attending crowd is usually an interesting mix […]
On the other side of the wall… Note: The following is an alternate take on the action in the previous post. And yes, this one is twisted. Things happened when you couldn’t leave the house during That Covid Mess… Saffrogette, left: “And then you bounce the ball and you try to grab the jacks before […]
Random Randiness… Note: During the first few crazy months of the Corona Virus Mess, I ran a series of daily posts trying to make light of the matter, despite the actual seriousness of such. (Humor in the dark, so to speak.) This is one of those entries… Babs, left: “Darling, you know we can’t get […]
Note: The following is an excerpt from one of my books-in-progress, a sordid tale of the time when a mass contingent of my family stupidly decided to go on a Carnival Cruise, wherein we were expected to behave in wholesome manner. (This was never going to happen, the wholesomeness, but still.) All you really need […]
Crusty Pie 
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