Month: April 2015

Past Imperfect – #184

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Contestant on the Left: “I really think I’m going to win this beauty pageant. I have the longest fake curls, I placed a discreet tiara on my head as a subliminal message, and I bravely chose to wear dark stockings instead of the standard virginal-white. Like anybody up […]

Past Imperfect – #183

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“Hi. I’ll be playing Queen Guinevere in this movie. Well, I’m not actually a real queen, I’m a queen consort to King Arthur. This means I get to have better accommodations than the peasants, but I don’t have any real powers, unless I’m really good in bed. This […]

Past Imperfect – #182

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Guy #1: “Golly gee, I can’t believe I got elected to Congress with these other fine gentlemen. I was just trying to get a fishing license and I guess I filled out the wrong paperwork. I don’t even know where Washington is. I wonder if I can bum […]

Past Imperfect – #181

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William: “What the hell are you doing?” Gloria: “I’m doing what I do best. I’m being overly dramatic about everything in my life.” William: “But doesn’t that just wear you out after a while? I’m already tired and I’m just watching you.” Gloria: “That’s because you’re young. The […]

Past Imperfect – #179

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Farley: “But do you even know why I’m smiling?” Robert: “That line isn’t in the script.” Farley: “Nor is my attraction to you.” Robert: “Really? Well, we just took a turn I wasn’t expecting.” Farley: “Oh, please. You’re the one that ordered the 120-proof bottle of liquor over […]

Past Imperfect – #178

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Are any of these men able to wear a hat with grace and style? No. Is the happy kindergarten teacher with the six beers an alcoholic? Yes. Is that Sandra Bernhard doing a photo bomb on the right? Quite possibly. Will any of these people remember what they […]