Past Imperfect – #506

During a recent excavation at a long-abandoned country club in the township of Martha’s Future Vineyard, Massachusetts, just south of Cape Cod, a startling discovery was made. In this primitive example of early photography, circa 1778, it appears that the founding fathers of our country perhaps held back […]

Past Imperfect – #505

Detective: “Do you know why we called you down to the station?” Woman: “I have no idea. Is this something to do with the parking tickets? I really did mean to pay them, but I get distracted easily. I lived in Montana for a while and that messes […]

Past Imperfect – #504

Brian, left: “What the hell are you doing? I’m standing here looking incredibly sexy even though there seems to be something neutered going on with my pants.” Mary, right: “I’m just so fed up with people I want to scream and bang on something loud.” Brian: “Okay. Are […]

Past Imperfect – #503

Mary, left: “I’m so excited about getting to be in a Mack Sennett picture!” Marie, right: “Oh, is that what we’re doing? I thought I was waiting in line to get past the velvet rope at a Steampunk-Goth nightclub.” Mary: “That means nothing to me. But I will […]

Past Imperfect – #501

Momma, inside the house: “Lilah Jean, you get your fanny back in this house this instant and change into something decent.” Lilah Jean: “But Momma, I got this out of your closet.” Momma: “I’m perfectly aware of that, young lady. I’m the one that buried it in there […]

Past Imperfect – #500

William: “It says here in the paper that we’ve reached a significant milestone. I suppose we should celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean drink alcohol and pretend to be happier than we really are.” Myrna: “I’m perplexed. And by perplexed, I mean that I’m immediately suspicious of you […]

Past Imperfect – #498

Gary: “Is that someone at the door? Are you expecting anyone?” Ann: “Of course not. I have no idea who it is. And I didn’t sleep with the vacuum cleaner salesman.” Gary: “That seems like a lot of information to share when a simple ‘no’ would have been […]

Past Imperfect – #497

Judy: “I’m so excited that we’re finally at our senior prom!” Mickey: “Me too! There are so many pretty girls here I could spit.” Judy: “Wait. What does that mean? I’m your date, and you shouldn’t be noticing any pretty girls except me.” Mickey: “Oh. Didn’t I tell […]