Oprah Winfrey: “Hi there. I’m working on new stories for my magazine and I just had a few questions for you.”
Vin Diesel: “How did you get in here? I instructed my guards to shoot anyone who wasn’t an agent bringing me the script for Fast and Furious 27: Burning Rubber in Our Wheelchairs at the Santa Monica Retirement Village.”
Oprah: “Oh, please. I had a talk show that lasted for decades and I have more money than most countries. I’m bullet-proof. Now, tell me about those weird, frozen, Egyptian statues. What’s going on with that?”
Vin: “Well, those things represent Republican candidates running for office. It’s kind of complex symbolism that means-“
Oprah: “Republicans are stuck in the ancient past, they represent concepts that are no longer relevant, and if you start chipping away at their lies everything crumbles. Got it. And what’s up with the chick behind you that looks like she’s an extra in The Ring movies?”
Vin: “She represents people who vote Republican.”
Oprah: “So she’s blurry because she can’t think for herself.”
Vin: “Basically.”
Oprah: “Okay, I think I’m done here. Didn’t learn anything, no story.”
Vin: “But you got to meet me. That’s a new angle, right?”
Oprah: “You’ve made the same exact movie seven times in a row without even changing the script. Shouldn’t you be one of the statues in here?”
Categories: Unexpected Developments
Crusty Pie 