Tag: Film

Past Imperfect – #580

Evelyn: “I still don’t understand why you brought me down to the station.” Detective: “Well, we’re investigating a homicide that took place two hours ago at Chez Vache Heureuse, that fancy restaurant over on Snooty Lane.” Evelyn: “A homicide? Goodness. Was anybody hurt?” Detective: “I guess you could […]

Past Imperfect – #579

They showed up. They got their trophies. Discussion ensued. Lurlene, left, lovingly: “These cups are so pretty, just like me. Aren’t you excited that we won?” Raychelle, right, wretchedly: “It’s about as exciting as a bowel movement. We were both bound to have one today.” Lurlene, peevishly: “Don’t […]

Past Imperfect – #578

Jordan, left: “I see that you have once again misunderstood my very specific directives about our attire this evening. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Joseph, right: “I misunderstood nothing. You said that I was to wear a formal tie and a boutonnière. I have done both, despite […]

Past Imperfect – #575

Meredith knew she had put it off long enough. She had hemmed. She had hawed. She had worked on things that didn’t need working, piddled with things that didn’t need piddling, and dicked with things that didn’t need dicking. She had even scrubbed all the toilets in the […]

Past Imperfect – #573

In an alternate reality, one much closer to the truth than he will ever admit, Donald Trump prepares for his next press conference. In the background, nearly hidden behind whatever that odd pole-thing is supposed to be, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, current White House Press Secretary, gnashes her teeth. […]

Past Imperfect – #572

Barbara: “My goodness, Mr. Fonda, you seem to be clutching my hand with lusty intention. Was it something I said?” Henry: “Well, no. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s what you’re wearing.” Barbara: “Oh, this little number? It’s merely something I threw together at the last minute. The […]

Past Imperfect – #571

Director: “Has anybody seen Marlon? I need him on the set.” Bitter Scriptwriter: “Why does he have to be here? My words are superb. Anybody could do this scene, assuming that they can read.” Not-bitter Production Assistant who still believed that she could bed The Brando given the […]

Past Imperfect – #570

It was at this precise moment that Clara realized her lover had been cheating on her. It was the same moment when Charles first noticed that his lover sported an unnatural pallor that spoke of midnight resurrections and a possible guest appearance in an Anne Rice novel. One […]

Past Imperfect – #569

Henry: “I yearn for you desperately.” Barbara: “How touching. But as you can see by the perfect curl artfully-arranged on my forehead, I’m not particularly fond of touching. Because it might jack with the curl and I spent far too much time in makeup for such a thing […]

Past Imperfect – #568

Whoopi: “Hello?” Voice: “Yes, could I speak to the lady of the house?” Whoopi: “We don’t have a lady of the house. We have a wretched, spoiled woman with no soul or sense of shame.” Voice: “Perfect! That’s just the type of person that interests me.” Wretched Woman, […]