The prosecuting attorney dramatically flourished Exhibit A: “As you can see by this photo, drug usage was rampant at the Beverly Hills Tennis Club in 1932!” Defense Attorney: “And what, other than your well-known alcoholism, led you to this questionable conclusion?” Prosecution: “First of all, we have Gilbert […]
Fred may have lit up the dance floor with his grace and style, but on the tennis courts he was practically begging for a mega-wedgie in the locker room…
Mary Pickford: “What do you mean this doesn’t look realistic?” Douglas Fairbanks: “We’re supposed to be looking like the typical American family so the people in Kansas will go see our movies. How does any of this say any of that?” Mary: “Well, we’re in a boat. People […]
Corinne: “Go to Hollywood, they said. Become a big star, they promised. And it all worked out for a while, and I got to go to all the right parties. Then some fool invented talking pictures, and overnight my career tanked. Now I’m stuck doing ill-advised publicity shots […]
Let’s eavesdrop on the wedding participants’ thoughts, shall we? Left to right. Conrad Hilton: “I am so glad that Elizabeth Taylor agreed to marry me. I’m sure her decision had nothing to do with my family being so wealthy that we can buy elections and entire countries.” Elizabeth […]
Father: “You’ve disappointed me again, Clara.” Clara: “Whatever could you mean, Father?” Father: “Coming home drunk again, all tarted up and messy.” Clara: “How could you possibly think I was drink?” Father: “”Because you’re talking to the hat rack over there, and I’m over here.” Clara: “Oh. I […]
Buddy: “How about this pose? Does it make me look dashing?” Photographer: “If by ‘dashing’ you mean spoiled brat showing off his toys then, yes, you hit the mark.” Buddy: “Hey, now. You’re talking to a movie star. I was in the flick that won the first Academy […]
Buster: “Why are you looking at me like that?” Marceline: “Don’t be simple. Is there something you need to tell me?” Buster: “I can’t imagine what. I share everything with you, my love.” Marceline: “Not everything. I found your stash of pornography involving carnal mimes.” Buster: “Oh. Well, […]
In a bold and courageous move, Boris Karloff appears in one of the earliest-known PSAs concerning the sad tragedy of erectile dysfunction…
Once again, the members of the Alpha Mega Testicula fraternity awoke to find that something may have gone awry during the previous evening’s beer-soaked pledge drive…
Delusions of Grand Fir… Boris, left: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down? It’s mid-March, springtime. We should be planting things, not looking at dried-out shrubbery.” Ginger, right: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is […]
Pretension and Posturing… The Old Oak Cliff Conservation League holds an annual Tour of Homes in our little neck of the woods, an event that is quite popular, with thousands of people plunking down money to analyze and criticize what other people do with their money. The attending crowd is usually an interesting mix […]
On the other side of the wall… Note: The following is an alternate take on the action in the previous post. And yes, this one is twisted. Things happened when you couldn’t leave the house during That Covid Mess… Saffrogette, left: “And then you bounce the ball and you try to grab the jacks before […]
Random Randiness… Note: During the first few crazy months of the Corona Virus Mess, I ran a series of daily posts trying to make light of the matter, despite the actual seriousness of such. (Humor in the dark, so to speak.) This is one of those entries… Babs, left: “Darling, you know we can’t get […]
Note: The following is an excerpt from one of my books-in-progress, a sordid tale of the time when a mass contingent of my family stupidly decided to go on a Carnival Cruise, wherein we were expected to behave in wholesome manner. (This was never going to happen, the wholesomeness, but still.) All you really need […]
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