Gary, left: “I’d really prefer it if you would stop clutching me in such a manner.” Jean, center: “But darling, just because I’ve been convicted of manslaughter doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends.” Gary: “We might have to disagree on that. Especially since your manslaughtering was focused […]
Gary: “Is that someone at the door? Are you expecting anyone?” Ann: “Of course not. I have no idea who it is. And I didn’t sleep with the vacuum cleaner salesman.” Gary: “That seems like a lot of information to share when a simple ‘no’ would have been […]
Gary: “Darling, I have terrible news that I must share.” Tallulah: “You’ve been sleeping with everyone on the planet except me?” Gary: “Oh. Well, there might be a tad bit of truth to that rumor, but it’s really not why I called this meeting.” Tallulah: “You’re a serial […]
Casting director at the initial movie production meeting: “So we have several actors to choose from and I’ve arranged their photos on this wall so we can-” Producer: “That one, right there. That’s gonna sell a movie. Who is he?” Casting director: “Oh, he’s a nobody, but his […]
Gary: “What did you just say?” Charlton: “I said I’m gonna get top billing in this movie no matter what it takes.” Gary: “So you’re coming at me with a shovel? Holding it like that? What are you gonna do, tap me on the forehead with it? If […]
Marlene: “It would be nice if you would actually pay attention when I wear a new outfit. Would it kill you to do so?” Gary: “Well, to be fair, you haven’t said a word about my fetching Legionnaire hat. I had it especially made in Morocco.” Marlene: “We’re […]
Gary really did try to figure out what might have happened, but he failed to make the connection between his head wound and the gun in the hand of his sleeping companion. More importantly, the viewing audience wanted to know why he would choose to wear go-go boots […]
Gary: “Why are we touching noses? Do I even know you?” Barbara: “I just wanted to thank you for saving me when I was trapped in that evil garbage disposal.” Gary: “Well, your screams were getting on my nerves, I had to do something.” Barbara: “I do have […]
It was at this precise moment when Gary Cooper realized that he might be the tallest person on the planet. He began to plan accordingly…
I know I’ve been a very bad boy, off doing my own thing and (mostly) ignoring WordPress. It’s been a full two weeks since I’ve posted anything here, and I’m mildly blue about such. That being the case, I thought I’d best share something extra fun (at least in my own mind) to make amends. […]
In a random moment of erratic thinking, I thought it might be fun to compare my own psychological development with a fictional TV family. Here we go… 1. Cindy At first, this little urchin seems to be a non-starter, as we have little in common on the surface. But as I pondered more (there’s always […]
Background Note: This is a post from one of my long-abandoned sites wherein I assumed the persona of a pompous therapist and answered “real” questions submitted by the readers. Dear Dr. Brian, Why do people try to put round pegs in square holes? submitted by Serena L. Sweetie, Fess up. Were you drinking when […]
Laura thought she had the perfect existence. After all, four suitors were vying for her hand in marriage. Of course, three of them were related, although it wasn’t clear if they were related to her or each other or some combination therein. (This is what happens when the same families live in the same small […]
Note: This is a piece I recently shared on Medium, “my other blogging network”… I’ve been tagged a number of times regarding this concept, gentle nudges of inspiration, and I was feeling a bit guilty about ignoring said prompts and not jumping into the fray. And so it came to be, on this otherwise uneventful […]
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