Past Imperfect – #510

Random

By Brian Lageose on April 11, 2017 • ( 16 Comments )

Slenderina, left: “Oh, look! The Goodyear blimp is flying overhead and flashing a message, thanking us for representing a body image that most woman can never hope to achieve no matter how hard they try.”

Low-Carb Barb: “Well, I suppose that’s sweet and all, but lately I’ve been wondering if we’re doing the right thing.”

Slenderina: “Why on earth would you be wondering such a thing? We’re so thin that if we turn sideways, the only way you can find us is if we stick out our tongues. The advertising agencies love that. I bet we can get on the cover of Emaciation Weekly.”

Low-Carb Barb: “Yeah, maybe we could, but why would we want to do that?”

Slenderina: “Don’t be silly. If we’re not thin, we’re nothing. If we let ourselves be the shape we were intended to be, no one would ever invite us to the right parties. And if we don’t go to the right parties, we’ll never find a man who can appreciate us for what we aren’t.”

Low-Carb Barb: “Okay. I think I’m done here.”

Slenderina: “Wait, where are you going?”

High-Carb Barb: “I’m going to go eat a cheeseburger. Maybe two.”

Slenderina: “But if you do that, you’ll never be in a fashion magazine. How can you feel pretty if you don’t distort your body image?”

Screw-the-Carbs Barb: “You know what makes me feel pretty? Accepting myself for what I am and not what others think I should be. Some people were meant for the runway, others were meant to run away from that which is meaningless. I’m ready to run.”

Slenderina: “You sound like one of those people who write… what are those things called?”

Epiphany Barb: “You mean books? Well, I haven’t written one, but I think I should be reading a lot more of them. And you should, too.”

Slenderina: “But it’s hard for me to hold up a book for longer than three seconds. I can barely lift these sunglasses.”

Yoda Barb: “Of that think you what?”

Slenderina: “That they should make lighter books?”

Barbed Barb: “It means that you are hurting yourself in order to make other people happy. You need to pull your head out and change your life for the better.”

Slenderina: “I don’t have the strength for that, either. Mine’s fairly lodged, apparently. But it would be nice if I could eat something dripping with fat every once in a while and not feel guilty. And why aren’t men held to the same standards? It’s so unfair. There is so much inequality in this country.”

Oprah Barbfrey: “It’s okay, girl. One step at a time. We’ll get through this. Now, take my hand and let’s try to make it to that taco stand over there on Martha’s Vineyard. Then we’ll march on Washington.”

 

Categories: Random

Tagged as: Authors, Body Image, Books, Equality, Fashion, Flash Fiction, Food, Humor, Photography, Sarcasm, Short Story, Society, Vintage, Writing