Past Imperfect – #574

Poor Choices

By Brian Lageose on March 20, 2018 • ( 8 Comments )

Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.”

Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural.”

Ed: “No, I mean singular. The good ole thrust and grind with your tallywacker.”

Starlet #2: “But we don’t have that kind of…financial resource. In case you hadn’t noticed.”

Ed: “I don’t understand. Why would Chippendales hire dancers without forklifts?”

Starlet #3: “I don’t mean to be rude, but are you drunk?”

Ed: “Of course I am. My career has tanked and the only gig I can get is doing choreography for steroid-soaked Chippendales Neanderthals. Who wouldn’t drink in that situation?”

Starlet #4: “Why do you keep saying Chippendales? We don’t have that word in our country. This is the Bolshoi Ballet.”

Ed: “It is? How the hell did I get in Russia? I knew something wasn’t right when I transferred trains in Berlin. But the drinks kept coming, so I just followed the bouncing shot glass until we got to the last station. That’s my career in a nutshell.”

Starlet #1: “So what do we do now?”

Ed: “If this really is Russia, you’d best get your ass out there and vote for Putin. Because he don’t play.”

Starlet #2: “I’m not afraid of a beastly man with no morals whatsoever.”

Ed: “Oh, you’d be surprised how often men like that manage to get power.”

Starlet #3: “Just like in your own country?”

Ed: “Fair enough. Now, where can I get a drink since the trains aren’t running at this hour?”

Starlet #4: “That depends. Are you straight, white and rich?”

Ed: “I can only attest to one of those things.”

Starlet #1: “Then you’re screwed. In both of our countries.”

 

Categories: Poor Choices

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