Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.”
Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural.”
Ed: “No, I mean singular. The good ole thrust and grind with your tallywacker.”
Starlet #2: “But we don’t have that kind of…financial resource. In case you hadn’t noticed.”
Ed: “I don’t understand. Why would Chippendales hire dancers without forklifts?”
Starlet #3: “I don’t mean to be rude, but are you drunk?”
Ed: “Of course I am. My career has tanked and the only gig I can get is doing choreography for steroid-soaked Chippendales Neanderthals. Who wouldn’t drink in that situation?”
Starlet #4: “Why do you keep saying Chippendales? We don’t have that word in our country. This is the Bolshoi Ballet.”
Ed: “It is? How the hell did I get in Russia? I knew something wasn’t right when I transferred trains in Berlin. But the drinks kept coming, so I just followed the bouncing shot glass until we got to the last station. That’s my career in a nutshell.”
Starlet #1: “So what do we do now?”
Ed: “If this really is Russia, you’d best get your ass out there and vote for Putin. Because he don’t play.”
Starlet #2: “I’m not afraid of a beastly man with no morals whatsoever.”
Ed: “Oh, you’d be surprised how often men like that manage to get power.”
Starlet #3: “Just like in your own country?”
Ed: “Fair enough. Now, where can I get a drink since the trains aren’t running at this hour?”
Starlet #4: “That depends. Are you straight, white and rich?”
Ed: “I can only attest to one of those things.”
Starlet #1: “Then you’re screwed. In both of our countries.”
Categories: Poor Choices
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I think you’d agree. Bring on the Chippendales.
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I certainly wouldn’t mind if they were brought, not at all…
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Poor Ed, he really is screwed. But the real shame is how the Chippendales will never learn those moves.
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It’s quite tragic, really. Yet another example of what happens when you cut Arts Education funding…
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