Edwina: “Are you sure that we’re doing this right?”
Bud: “Of course. I read all about it on the Internet. This is how you have safe sex.”
Edwina: “But something seems a bit off. This is nothing like what happened in all those young adult novels I read in junior high, where the lonely shy girl suddenly blossomed when the captain of the lacrosse team asked her to the prom. This doesn’t feel like blossoming at all. This feels like asphyxiation.”
Bud: “Oh. Here, let me try this.”
Edwina: “What are you doing? Is that your tongue?”
Bud: “Yes. This is called French kissing. I downloaded a video and practiced on my Princess Leia action figure.”
Edwina: “You might need to practice some more. Your tongue tastes like that crinkly paper in the exam room at the doctor’s office. That’s not something that’s going to help me blossom. Or want to go to the doctor, ever again.”
Bud: “Why are you making this complicated?”
Edwina: “Me? You’re the one who has apparently watched Marcus Welby way too many times.”
Bud: “But darling, nobody under the age of 50 is going to get that arcane TV reference.”
Edwina: “Well, that’s just one of the side effects of having our wretched story appear on an insane little blog in the back alleys of the digital universe. But still, it doesn’t negate the fact that you kiss like a rhinoceros with intestinal blockage. I think we’re done here.”
Bud: “But I paid for dinner!”
Edwina: “And that’s all you paid for.”
Bud: “If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me.”
Edwina: “You’re going there after whining about arcane references?”
Bud: “Sorry. I got caught up in the twisted spirit of Crusty Pie. How can we end this scene with any degree of worthiness?”
Edwina: “We find out in the next installment, one that will never happen because the writer has focus issues, that you are actually gay and the surgical masks were really a cry for help.”
Bud: “But that would call into question my sexual prowess.”
Edwina: “I think we already got there with your first line of dialogue. Now, validate my parking so I can get the hell out of here and try to get this wretched performance excised from my portfolio. Maybe we can hook up on Fire Island this summer?”
Bud: “Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Photo suggested by Christopher Lindsay.
Obscure trivia note: In 1974, a homophobic episode of Marcus Welby resulted in 7 sponsors of the show refusing to buy advertising time and 17 affiliates refusing to air the episode. It was a tiny drop in the bucket overall, but it is one of the first examples of network affiliates responding to public protest in the interests of equality. And now you know…
Categories: Questionable Developments
Crusty Pie 
Your obscure trivia note is the best!
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It’s the small things that matter in the end… 😉
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That’s hilarious! “This is how you have safe sex.”
This line is very funny too: “This feels like asphyxiation.”
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Hey, you found the photo, I just embellished… 😉
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Love obscure trivia and this one is fascinating!
And here I just thought they were two hypochondriacs in love. (Hey, that song could be a hit!)
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I only found the trivia because I was checking the spelling on “Welby”. Once I found the tidbit, I knew I couldn’t leave that mess in the closet… 😉
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How does a rhino normally kiss?
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Without the blockage, one would assume. Of course, I haven’t done any actual field research, so…
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Past Imperfect #562 or as it’s less widely known: Love in the Time of Cholera. Apologies and mea culpas to Senor Garcia. And those masks are nifty for hiding the fact that one’s lips might resemble the Sahara at mid-day, and that one has to keep excusing oneself to run to the *insert gender specific nomenclature* room. Quantities of poo have doused bigger fires than that depicted.
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Hmm. I never pondered the angle of the masks allowing one to disguise the effects of a bad hair day, so to speak. This puts a whole new spin on the proceedings and I just might have to rework this story when I inevitably re-post it over on Bonnywood…
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