Unexpected Developments

Past Imperfect – #410


Tony: “After this shoot, I’m never complaining again about how long it takes any of my wives to get ready for dinner at Andre’s.”

Jack: “Yes, I suppose this has been a revelation for you. As for me, however, I have always been in touch with my feminine side. I feel their pain, I commiserate with their misery, and I stand in solidarity.”

Tony: “Oh, please. That’s a dumbass thing to say. You don’t have a vagina, Jack. I think that pretty much ends your inclusion in the Estrogen Pride Parade.”

Jack: “Well, for starters, I don’t think you understand most of those words you just used. And secondly, I have won two Oscars whilst you have won… hmmm, let me think… none! So it’s obvious that I have done far more research into the human soul than you ever considered doing.”

Tony: “So that’s where you’re going? An awards tally? As if we both don’t know that awards are based on who kisses whose ass the most. Just like presidential elections.”

Katharine Hepburn, in the far left background but no longer satisfied with her lower billing: “Excuse me. I have a few thoughts to share.”

Tony: “Aw, hell. Here comes the Queen of Nominations.”

Jack: “Well, she’s only that until Meryl Streep shows up and-”

Katharine: “Do not speak her name or I will cut somebody. Now, let me make something perfectly clear. I never kissed anybody’s ass, unless his name was Spencer, and I got where I am not because of estrogen or favoritism or gymnastic abilities on the casting couch. I’m on top because I worked my un-kissed ass off to get here. Any further questions?”

Tony: “None from me. It’s clear that I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to the fairer sex because I will eventually have six wives. And we all know where that got a certain king of England when it comes to the history books.”

Jack, slightly salivating: “I just have to say that you are the greatest and there will never be anyone like you, overcoming incredible odds to get where you are.”

Katharine: “Oh, please. We females are stronger than you think. Just wait until a woman is in the White House.”


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