Past Imperfect – #492

Movies

By Brian Lageose on February 2, 2017 • ( 9 Comments )

Errol, far left: “I have no idea what’s going on right now. This might have something to do with the fact that I’ve been drinking since last Tuesday. It’s entirely possible that I owe somebody somewhere a lot of money for a stunning bar tab, but that’s the least of my worries. I’m more concerned about why anyone would think it wise to cut into that giant burrito on the coffee table.”

Nora, near left: “I realize that I’m a low-grade actress whose best screen credit is that I managed to marry Errol Flynn. But I’m not as dumb as some people think I am, despite the fact that I allowed the stylist on this shoot to tie up my hair with a leftover flour sack. I was savvy enough to tip the cook with some of Errol’s beer money so the cook would slip a live piranha into Rita’s birthday cake. If Rita is out of the picture, the rest of us move up the food chain. That’s how Hollywood works.”

Rita, near right: “I don’t like anybody in this scene. And this birthday cake is the ugliest thing on this planet until Donald Trump is born. Still, I’m better than Trampy Nora at knowing how Hollywood works, which is why I used Orson’s beer money to double-tip the cook so the piranha would not end up in this cake and could continue its career as a movie producer. The best advice I ever got was to make sure that you have a plan. The second-best advice? Make sure you’re the one holding a knife if you don’t have a plan.”

Orson, far right: “I once made a movie called Citizen Kane. Praise me. Say, why does that burrito cake smell like fish bait? I should probably stop Rita before she cuts into it. On the other hand, the cameras are already rolling, and a good director, like me, the man who made Citizen Kane, knows that you should always keep the cameras rolling and hope that something interesting happens and then you can pretend that you scripted it that way. This is how you win awards.”

Odd centerpiece that has been rudely shoved to the side of the coffee table: “There’s so much narcissism in this room that I’m surprised the Earth hasn’t shifted on its axis.”

 

Categories: Movies

Tagged as: Books, Errol Flynn, Flash Fiction, Food, Humor, Movies, Nora Eddington, Orson Welles, Photography, Rita Hayworth, Sarcasm, Short Story, Vintage, Writing