Tag: Relationships

Past Imperfect – #424

In what subsequently proved to be an ill-advised inspiration, Ben and Jean tried spicing up their romantic life by reenacting the German invasion of France. Sadly, Ben arrived home from work early the next afternoon, intent on another incursion, only to find that France was in the midst […]

Past Imperfect – #423

Charley, middle: “Now, look here, Buford. This is what we call a ‘woman’. They can be quite nice to have around if you know what to do with them.” Buford: “Why I gotta have one of those?” Charley: “They can make you happy. They can cook and they […]

Past Imperfect – #416

Marlon, inner voice: “Why do I insist on bringing my wife to these staff meetings?” Elizabeth, outer voice: “Where the hell is my vodka gimlet? I ordered one an hour ago.” Marlon, outer voice: “Honey, let’s hold off a bit. I don’t know who you ordered from, but […]

Past Imperfect – #411

At the end of the day, Melanie did have a few regrets. Perhaps she shouldn’t have chosen to wear ballet slippers with an outfit that otherwise made it very clear that she worked on the serving line at the local all-you-can-eat buffet. Perhaps she should have invested a […]

Past Imperfect – #400

Momma: “Lucille, get away from the fireplace. We live in the projects, you don’t know what might fall out of there.” Lucille: “But Momma, it’s Christmas Eve. Santa is coming!” Momma: “Santa? Baby Girl, Santa doesn’t know where we live. We’re on welfare.” Lucille: “That’s not true. If […]

Past Imperfect – #399

Mae Rose, left: “Why are they making us pose for this picture?” Clara, right: “Because our parents are misguided fools who think that the mere act of procreation has elevated them to an award-worthy status and we are their trophies, as if no one else has ever copulated […]

Past Imperfect – #372

Once upon a time, there was a man who had managed to amass a considerable number of wives, because government officials didn’t pay any attention to what was going on in Utah until it was too late. At first, his cavalcade of concubines had proved exceedingly satisfactory, as […]

Past Imperfect – #362

Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?” Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.” Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all […]

Past Imperfect – #359

Gunnar: “Okay, help me understand why you’re acting this way.” Eva: “You couldn’t possibly grasp my needs. You’re a man, I’m a woman. Different worlds.” Gunnar: “Really? So my ownership of a penis precludes me from any value in this relationship?” Eva: “Essentially. You willfully choose not to […]