Past Imperfect – #547

Tallulah was thoroughly unimpressed with her assigned role when the cast was announced for the 1923 London premiere of “A Yankee Thanksgiving: This Is What Happens When You Defy a British Monarch and Hop on a Boat Bound for a Colony That Has No Indoor Plumbing”. The play […]

Past Imperfect – #546

Tallulah Bankhead: “Dear God, would you look at me in these PR shots? The stress fractures on my face are bad enough, but that claw-hand I’ve got going on is far too much. I really need to cut it back to one bottle of bourbon a day. John […]

Past Imperfect – #544

Carole, Actress: “Wait a minute, I’m sensing something.” Robert, Actor: “And I’m sensing that you’re straddling my crotch with malevolent intent. Not that I mind.” Carole: “No, it goes beyond our crude attempt to get past the censors with suggestive but benign foreplay. It seems that a writer […]

Past Imperfect – #543

At the very last moment, the Sharks hired Marlon Soprano, a freelance dancer who didn’t care which team he played for as long as he got to perform his signature move, a double backflip ending in a manly split dripping with testosterone but no actual damage to the […]

Past Imperfect – #541

Rita’s exuberance on learning that she had just won the lead role in “Gilda”, although completely understandable, was not entirely appreciated by the guests at her weekly Float and Guzzle pool party. After all, once you get chlorine in your beverage, things can go sour rather quickly…  

Past Imperfect – #540

This is what therapists call “the money shot”, when the narcissism becomes so overwhelming that dinner is delayed whilst Vida Loca tap-dances where the Boeuf Bourguignon should be. Said therapists then race to clear their appointment schedules, because Vida will soon be knocking on one of their doors, […]

Past Imperfect – #539

Gary, left: “I’d really prefer it if you would stop clutching me in such a manner.” Jean, center: “But darling, just because I’ve been convicted of manslaughter doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends.” Gary: “We might have to disagree on that. Especially since your manslaughtering was focused […]

Past Imperfect – #538

It was at this precise moment when a young Ronald Reagan began confusing “starlets who will desperately do anything to catch the eye of a casting agent” with “everybody loves me and I should run for President!” Sadly, this disconnect with reality has since become the hallmark of […]