Unfocused Issues

Past Imperfect – #535

Maria: “I just have one prayer, oh Mighty Isis. Could you please send me a publicist who knows how to focus a camera? Okay, maybe two prayers. It would be nice if the costume designer on this gig didn’t feel compelled to disguise the fact that I have breasts. Alright, there’s a third one as well. I’d like a salary increase that would allow me to purchase a bottle of strenuous hair conditioner that is composed of something other than petroleum and ass grease. Oh, and orgasms. I’d like to have an orgasm that will make my eyes roll back in my head, not one that makes me think I just had some tainted Thai food.”

Mighty Isis, rousing herself from a millennial slumber: “Okay, hold up. Who the hell are you and why are you babbling about pointless dissatisfactions?”

Maria: “Oh. Well, I’m just one of your Twitter fans hoping you will love me back with a courtesy follow.”

Isis: “I see. You must be one of those Americans who only have a life because of social media. Here’s a tip. Get out of that country for a while and see how the rest of the world lives.”

Maria: “But what about the travel ban?”

Isis: “Have you ever noticed how travel ban and Taliban sound a lot alike?”

Maria: “I’d never really thought of it that way. You are such a wise and insightful supreme deity.”

Isis: “Oh, please. It doesn’t take a Supreme to figure out that the crap-fest state of American politics is the result of uninformed idiots voting without any regard for reality. Stop, in the name of sanity. Before the country breaks apart.”

Maria: “You have enlightened me.”

Isis: “I doubt that, or you wouldn’t be praying to me in the first place. Now, I’m about to hit my snooze bar and wait for a better offer in the distant future. Any last requests?”

Maria: “Um… the satisfying orgasms?”

Isis: “Oh, girl, I can’t help you with that. You just need to quit making poor decisions when the bartender hollers out that it’s last call.”


19 replies »

    • Yep, I watched me some Isis as well. (Not afraid to admit that I did try out her mantra a time or two in the backyard, with crossed fingers and a fervent hope. Nothing happened, damn it.) But I was more entranced with her Saturday-morning partner, Shazam. (They aired back to back for a while.) It was cheezy as all get out, but we were TEN so we didn’t care. And there was always a nice little morality lesson offered at the end of the show, although I often disputed these findings and then would write a thesis stating my case. Because I was an OLD ten-year-old… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Any minute now a big bucket of water is going to fall all over her, and all those candles will go out. Maybe she should ask Isis for an umbrella?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, so far, Isis hasn’t been forthcoming with much of anything, but maybe she’ll pay attention enough to toss down an umbrella and the go back to sunbathing on the Nile…


  2. Joan of Arc – the pre-quel. Or she’s channeling the one happy time in her childhood when she was the head angel in a school Christmas play. Funny how we remember those moments with rose colored glasses. Little do we know that re–enacting our ‘triumphs’ as children never works out well when we’re adults. Still I hope they give her the part…

    Liked by 1 person

    • More like Ethel of Yonkers. Still, I’m sure she got the part, as she’s the only one who didn’t get second-degree burns from all the candles. And re-enacting our childhood triumphs? Yeah, let’s not go there… 😉


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