Past Imperfect – #520

Cary: “Why are you walking in the door like that?

Jean: “Let’s just say there was an incident and things didn’t work out well for me.”

Cary: “But you look like you’re in pain? What happened?”

Jean: “Well, apparently I made the mistake of trying to wear high heels in this scene. The director whisked me aside and told me in no uncertain terms that I’m contractually not allowed to be taller than you. So I’m making sure that I’m not.”

Cary: “That’s absurd! Wait, who is the director? We make so many movies a year during this Golden Age of Hollywood that it’s hard to keep track, unlike future stars who will make one movie twice a decade, and I might owe the bastard some money.”

Jean: “Oh, he’s a new one, based on the fact that he’s sober, so you probably don’t owe him anything. At least I think he’s a him. There seemed to be a lot of unnecessary chiffon and flamboyance. Not that it matters, other than it would be nice to know where I should shop when it comes to his or her gift at the wrap party.”

Cary: “I see. Well, do what you must, but I should point out that you are currently conversing with my Internet-searched crotch and such an act may not make it past those sex-deprived movie censors who will one day run for Congress.”

Jean: “I already thought of that. We’ll just introduce a subplot about a spy-tracking mechanism in your left pocket. If I don’t adequately interpret the signal from your crotch, nations will perish and popcorn prices will rise at the concession stand. It’s a matter of patriotism and balanced budgets.”

Cary: “Should you really be changing the script just to fit your own agenda?”

Jean: “Why not? The writer of this pointless story is clearly doing so.”


19 replies »

  1. Yet another Cary Grant film I missed. You always uncover interesting new items for me, don’t you?
    Changing a script — it’s why I could never act. I always came up with better lines than the ones that were written, and for some reason the writer never appreciated it. Weird, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Improv is good. I always wondered what as behind the whole pleated pants thing. Now I know. No show luggage in Hollywood. But it’s okay for a guy to have a crush on Cary because every man on the planet should be able to walk with the elegant Cary Grant glide.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I went through a pleated-pants phase when I first went into management at Verizon. Even though my savvier friends tried explaining to me that fashionable people no longer wear them, I persevered. Until I finally got sick of ironing all those damn pleats, and now I only touch them if forced. And yes, Cary is equal-opportunity crushable…


  3. The pair of pants split to go their own way. Now the wardrobe is depleted.
    Walk this way to the chiropractor .
    If I walk that way I will need a chiropractor.
    Or you could just act like a chirop’r.
    Not covered by Medicaid – especially after the pants split.

    Liked by 1 person

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