Howdy, Clam Bakers. After the excitement of last week’s bake (guest speakers! Elderberry wine! Salami-grasping!), tonight’s campfire will be more subdued. I was in the midst of some digital housekeeping this afternoon, trying to figure out what’s in all these cryptically-christened files that are apparently breeding on my laptop, when I tripped over something named […]
1. The “fake food poisoning” approach. Eat lunch at your desk, but purposely do not finish all of it. Find something odd that you can mix into the remaining food, like cough syrup or pencil shavings. Stir until the mess is completely unrecognizable, just like those dreaded casseroles your crazy Aunt Bucky used to plop […]
1. It’s round. This is a relatively safe shape. There are generally no sharp edges where you can accidentally slice open an artery, and that’s always a good thing. Now, there is a minimal amount of inherent danger if your pizza is not already pre-sliced when you attack it. Do not hand the little death-wheel […]
Mary Pickford: “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Mirror: “I said that you really shouldn’t leave the house wearing such a mess. Especially if you plan to flop your hands around like that. You’re not six years old anymore, honey.” Mary: “But I’m America’s Sweetheart!” Mirror: “Well, you look like America’s Simpleton. Go change. There’s […]
1. “How to Remove Your Head from Your Ass Using Common Household Items” 2. “The Margarita-Based Diet” 3. “He’s So Completely Not into You That He’s Moving to Another Planet” 4. “Chicken Soup for the Soulless” 5. “The Five Best Ways to Keep People from Slapping You” 6. “Depression: How to Tell the Difference between […]
Lilah Jean may never recover.
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But at least she realizes that therapy may be in her future. It’s the first step that’s the hardest…
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Lilah Jean appears to have a bun in the oven, herself…methinks that I detect a ‘baby bump,’ unless that’s just the frightful physique indicative of a non-branching family twig!
XD
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This is what happens when people jack with the noble efforts of Planned Parenthood. Wait, did I say that out loud? Why, yes I did… 😉
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Flattering rompers are akin to mythical creatures like unicorns. Although, there are a lucky few who can pull them off successfully.
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Plot twist if I ever saw one
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I try my best… 😉
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A rock!!!!
but no brick, have another ‘like’, Brian 🙂
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Whew! Thanks, Phil!
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I wondered about the bump too, then I realized it was the time period when women were praised for their natural shape, which includes a bump if they eat anything other than green salads minus dressing.
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Good point. And I’m fascinated with the shoes. I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that I sported something quite similar when I hit the nightclubs in the early 80s… 😉
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She is rockin that old swimsuit!
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She is VERY proud of her couture.
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Mad Man Muntz had a car stereo store down on tenth and Penn in OKC. There was hot older babe who worked there who looked like Nancy Sinatra, without the boots. So we went as often as we could, I guess they mopped up the drool when we left. They had one of those sound egg chairs. You know, with the speakers in them that made it a giant headphone you wished you could make out with someone in? Why did I think of that? The hot girl, and the tart’s palace wicker chair behind her. I’ll bet there’s an old Victrola just out of our sight…
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I tried to work the wicker chair into the story, but it just wasn’t happening for me. You just provided the missing piece: an old Victrola. Of course, the story would be different, something about lost love and mistaken identity, but at least the chair would be a character…
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No, therapy won’t do it. Drugs will help, but a fashion consultant will fix everything.
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She just needs a stern talking to. And maybe an interruption in her allowance… 😉
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