Past Imperfect – #487


Real Barbara: “I just don’t understand why I’m not getting the movie roles that I deserve.”

Mirror Barbara: “Well, let me see if I can help you out with that. For starters, what’s up with that dress you’re wearing? It says all the wrong things at all the wrong times.”

Real Barbara: “But this dress was designed by Hubris de Paris. It cost more than the governmental budget of Guatemala.”

Mirror Barbara: “That doesn’t say much for Guatemala. What it does say is inaccessibility. I haven’t seen such a mass of off-putting ruff since Henry the VIII created a new religion just because he doesn’t play well with others. I could point out that Donald Trump will do the same thing 500 years later, but I’ll leave that to the historians.”

Real Barbara: “Are you implying that I’m not respected as an actress because of my couture choices?”

Mirror Barbara: “Well, that’s one part of it. Another part is that you have more accessories on your vanity table than anyone in the history of the planet really needs. How is a casting director going to find you if there is so much competition in the scene? Get rid of all those extras so you stand out better. Oh, and while you’re at it, promise the casting director that you will do anything it takes to get the part.”

Real Barbara: “But what if I don’t want to do what he wants me to do. I’m all for a good time, but there are limits, despite what that wretched Hedda Hopper has to say.”

Mirror Barbara: “It doesn’t matter. Once you get the part and sign the contract, everybody else can get stuffed.”

Real Barbara: “So you’re saying the only way to get the good roles is to wear the right outfits, surround myself with carefully-selected accessories, and tell people lies they want to hear about things I have no intention of doing?”

Mirror Barbara: “Yes. Just like presidential elections.”


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