Odd But Kinda Sexy

Past Imperfect – #463


Ramon: “Hello, my name is Ramon. I am posing in the sexual way on this railing of boat so you will want to see all of my movies and tell others of them.”

Photographer: “What the hell? You don’t need to talk. We’re just doing publicity shots here.”

Ramon: “But I am reading blog on small internet device I have. It say be sexy big time always.”

Photographer: “That’s nice. But you’re holding a pipe, Ramon. If you’re getting an internet signal on that thing, it’s the first pipe to offer a data plan.”

Ramon: “Okay, maybe there be lies. But I feeling sexy mucho.”

Photographer: “I have no idea why. Seagulls are bombarding us with droppings and we are all drenched in sea salt. How are you feeling sexy mucho? Wait, is it because of my outfit? I picked it out special at Victoria’s Secret House of Sexual Ambiguity.”

Ramon: “No, not caring for Victoria’s Secret shame outfit. Caring more for captain’s wheel and sexy stick-out thing.”

Producer, running from below deck and tossing aside the verboten Prohibition martini that he would later claim he had not been imbibing despite the charge to his American Express card: “Ramon, we’ve talked about this. We are in America. You have to pretend to be something you are not or you will never succeed.”

Ramon: “I no like America thinking. Why can I not be of honesty and say things with freedom?”

Producer: “Because there are so many Americans who think freedom only applies to themselves and not to others.”

Ramon: “Es estupido. I thinking things must change.”

Producer: “Then make sure you vote in the next election instead of sitting on the couch and watching Netflix.”


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