Past Imperfect – #458


Perfume bottle on the left: “Oh, God, she’s doing it again.”

Powder puff on the right: “I feel your pain. All we want is to just sit on this table in peace and hope that nobody knocks our asses to the floor where we shatter into a thousand pieces. Who does she think she is, coming in here and turning on the lights and moaning in pleasure as she grooms herself.”

Perfume: “Well, we’ve never been formally introduced, even though she womanhandles me all the time and makes me spritz on her erogenous points, but I think her name is Jean.”

Puff: “She abuses me as well, slapping me against her face repeatedly without even asking if that’s something I might want to do.”

Perfume: “Should we report her to our union? Beauty Enhancers Local 172? This situation certainly appears ripe for litigation.”

Puff: “I think you might be right. Fight for freedom! Then again, if we win the case and she has to go away, who is going to visit us every morning and sing little ditties about self-love and the tremendous amounts of cash that can be gained by appearing in moving pictures?”

Perfume: “Hmm. You have a point. And are we really qualified to do anything else other than sit on vanities and wait for women, and a certain contingent of men, to remember that we exist and then use us to make themselves feel better about their eventual decay?”

Puff: “Agreed. We have limited career opportunities, especially since we both failed typing in high school. Maybe we should make the best of it?

Perfume: “So you’re saying that we should be content to admire the beauty of others and quietly feel sorry for ourselves instead of striving to succeed regardless of what we might look like or what our chances might be?”

Puff: “Isn’t that the American way? Giving up without trying and then blaming everyone else?”

Jean: “Both of you are fools. Suck it up and do what you need to do. And by the way, I have replacements for both of you in my spacious walk-in closet.”

Perfume: “Wow, she can hear what we’re saying and she’s not impressed.”

Puff: “Which is exactly what lots of folks on social media tend to forget. If you throw it out there, don’t be surprised when it boomerangs.”


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