Delusional People

Past Imperfect – #428


Dean, left: “Dad, what’s up with that huge book on your desk?”

Ralph, center: “It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I give this bottle of hooch to your brother.”

Jason, right: “Thanks, Dad! You’re pretty swell, even if your existence torments me.”

Dean: “But Dad, Jason is an alcoholic. The last thing you should be giving him is high-octane lubrication.”

Ralph: “Don’t sass me, young man. This is a Eugene O’Neill play. There’s always at least one alcoholic, there are always family members who are enablers for the alcoholic, and there’s always a morphine addict who enables herself. Speaking of, where’s your mother?”

Dean: “I have no idea. She’s probably up on the roof again and trying to fly. But you’re avoiding the issue. Don’t give the hooch to Jason.”

Jason: “You need to stand down, little brother. I’m the first born and I get the first crack at everything. That’s how we do it in the South. If you didn’t come out of the vagina first, you get second billing for the rest of your life.”

Katharine, coming down the stairs: “Is somebody talking about my cooter?”

Dean: “Well, I guess she didn’t get flight clearance.”

Ralph: “Damn it, she’s gonna make a fuss about the hooch. Jason, shove this bottle in the big book. It’s hollow inside.”

Jason: “I already know that, Dad. How do you think I became an alcoholic? I was just trying to look up the word ‘dysfunctional’ in what I thought was a dictionary and out popped a bottle of bourbon. I took it as a sign from Jesus and started swigging.”

Katharine, clattering closer to the room: “So now it’s cooter and Jesus? I can’t wait to join in this conversation.”

Dean: “Thank God I will eventually star in a series called ‘Quantum Leap’ so I can come back and erase everything that is happening right now.”


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