Marlon, inner voice: “Why do I insist on bringing my wife to these staff meetings?”
Elizabeth, outer voice: “Where the hell is my vodka gimlet? I ordered one an hour ago.”
Marlon, outer voice: “Honey, let’s hold off a bit. I don’t know who you ordered from, but they won’t be bringing you alcohol. That’s not what they do here.”
Elizabeth, inner voice: “What possessed me to marry this man? Was I that desperate to get away from my parents?”
Elizabeth, outer voice: “You are really annoying me right now. Why can’t you support your wife?”
Marlon, inner voice: “Apparently paying all the bills so you don’t have to get off the couch in the living room is not considered supportive.”
Marlon, outer voice: “Honey, perhaps we shouldn’t direct our anger in ways that are not productive. You know I support you completely.”
Marlon, inner voice: “Not really. Especially when it comes to that breach-birth hairdo you picked out.”
Elizabeth, inner voice: “He’s acting like I don’t know that he would rather be with his military buddies than spend two seconds with me. I know his type. I was in a movie with Rock Hudson years ago.”
Elizabeth, outer voice, not realizing she had shifted modes: “I guess he’s only in it for my trust fund.”
Marlon, inner voice: “Trust fund? News to me. I might be able to tolerate that hairdo after all.”
Marlon, outer voice: “What’s this about a trust fund, my beloved angel? Is there some money I don’t know about?”
Elizabeth, inner voice: “Aw, hell. See, this is what happens when people don’t bring me vodka gimlets when I ask for them.”
Elizabeth, outer voice: “Oh, that. Well, it’s in Daddy’s will that if I produce an heir, I get seven million dollars.”
Marlon, outer voice: “Seriously? Then we should get to producing.”
Elizabeth, outer and inner voice: “But that means we have to actually have sex.”
Marlon, outer and inner voice: “Hmm. Can I convince you to wear a uniform?”
Man behind the couple, leaning over to his partner, outer voice: “Girl, this just got really interesting.”
Categories: Social Awkwardness
Crusty Pie 
My inner and outer voices are arguing about what to say. I overruled them both!
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I often find myself in the same situation, wisely choosing silence. Then somebody hands me a margarita…
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Oh yeah, a margarita gets you every time.
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