Past Imperfect – #384

SR 1384

Norma: “Come into my arms, my love. Let me show my world to you.”

Director: “Cut! Norma, you’re off script. And why do you look like you’re one morphine drip away from a sanitarium? You’re supposed to be on the verge of rapturous love-making with the man that has obsessed you for decades. I’m not really seeing that.”

Norma: “Clarence, it’s been a wretched day. Sometimes a woman just doesn’t feel sexy, especially when her hair has been ironed into place because nobody has invented any decent grooming products yet. I yearn for the day when somebody gives birth to Paul Sebastian.”

Director, apparently also known as Clarence: “Well, I’m a man, so I really don’t understand things like personal hygiene or the emotional state of people around me. And I have a penis, which is the only grooming product I will ever need.”

Norma: “But that’s exactly what I mean. You’re directing this scene like it’s a science project. There really needs to be a bit more chemistry if you want to capture the female audience.”

Clarence: “Capture the audience? Is that what you’re trying to do with those vulture arms that you’re waving about? Do you really want people running out of the theater in a panic, convinced that Medusa has survived the centuries and she’s got a bad attitude about the whole situation?”

Norma: “Apparently I’m not the only one with access to a morphine drip. We’re getting nowhere with this badgering. How about we start fresh, without the baggage?”

Clarence: “And what do you mean by that, Siren of the Damned?”

Norma: “First, let’s hire a male lead who isn’t only interested in other males. Second, stop playing with your testicles like there’s no place like home. And finally, could we find a set decorator who isn’t obsessed with recreating the funeral home that he apparently grew up in? Who wants to make love whilst surrounded by the remnants of a Black Mass?”

Clarence: “Well, now that you mention it, it does look a bit grim in here. I guess I wasn’t paying attention to the details.”

Norma: “And that line, dear Clarence, basically explains every divorce in this country.”


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