Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?”
Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.”
Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all day working on this thing and I burned my ass twice with that dang glue gun. Why can’t you even look at me?”
Marlene: “Well, I initially turned away because I didn’t want to lose an eye to that exuberant headgear you’re wearing. And now I can’t turn back because I just spotted my husband doing something unworthy of a valentine.”
Theresa: “He’s always doing something unworthy. What is it this time?”
Marlene: “He’s on the back patio with the gardener.”
Theresa: “That doesn’t seem to so bad. There are some bushes around this house that could use a trim.”
Marlene: “They’re both naked.”
Theresa: “Oh. Well, that happens all the time. Wait. I thought you knew that your husband only married you for your money.”
Marlene: “It hadn’t actually crossed my mind. But it certainly has now. I guess I won’t be needing that valentine anymore. So sorry you went to all the trouble.”
Theresa: “Fine. I’ll go throw it in the trash, along with my hopes and dreams. And I’m sorry you didn’t know that Hugo played for the other team. I actually feel a little bit bad about hating you for being so bitter and mean all the time.”
Marlene: “I suppose I have been a bit surly. But surely you understand that it’s been rather unsatisfying waiting five years to consummate my wedding day.”
Theresa: “Hold up, girl. Five years? And it didn’t cross your mind?”
Marlene: “I just thought he was a slow learner.”
Theresa: “Honey, that’s just sad in all kinds of ways. Now I really feel bad. Maybe you shouldn’t eat those bonbons I made this afternoon.”
Marlene: “But I need some comfort food. This is a very trying time.”
Theresa: “Yeah, well, I put Ex-Lax in them after the second time I burned my ass with the glue gun.”
Categories: Delusional People
Crusty Pie 