Vanity

Past Imperfect – #338

SR 1338

Nigel: “I’m so happy to be working with the two of you on this film. I know it may not seem like that, what with my argyle-encrusted foot attempting to hog the scene, but I think this is a special moment. At least that’s the sensation I’m getting as I smoke this unregulated tobacco imported from Cooba.”

Basil: “I’m so bored. Both of you are boring. The boredom is so intense that I’m considering running up that ladder to my left and leaping to my death.”

Evelyn: “Basil, darling, it can’t be all that bad. You have to learn to enjoy the finer things in life. As for me, I’m relishing this cup of Starbucks coffee. The company hasn’t been invented yet, but it eventually will be and I want to be on record as the first to have discovered it. It’s our fake support of trendy things that keeps us on the A-List.”

Nigel: “That’s why I’m wearing these socks. My publicist insists that everyone will soon be wearing them, and product placement is where the movie industry is headed.”

Basil: “Bored, I tell you. There’s not enough morphine in the world to help me get through this.”

Evelyn: “Oh, please. If anyone is suffering in this scene, it’s me. You’re wearing a simple suit. It does seem a bit tight around the chest, although I don’t know why. I’ve seen you naked and there’s nothing about your pectorals to justify such tightness. Still, I’m trapped in couture designed by cheerleaders who had some extra pom-poms lying about. Do you have any idea what it’s like to say my lines when I’m fighting against plastic fringe getting in my mouth?”

Director: “Could we possibly get back on the set and do another reshoot of this scene?”

Nigel: “Why do we need to do that? I made sure that everyone could see my socks.”

Basil: “And I’m quite sure that my boredom was evident. It’s dripping from my pores.”

Evelyn: “Can I wear a different outfit if I do so?”

Director, sighing: “Perhaps this will help. I just entered all of your names as keywords on the Internet and I didn’t get any hits.”

Two seconds later, the stars were in their carefully-scripted positions and the camera was rolling.

 

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