Past Imperfect – #292

SR 1292

Yvonne: “I just have one question.”

Director: “I’m not surprised. None of you actors can just walk in and get to work, can you?”

Yvonne: “Of course not. That’s why we have a union. What is my motivation in this scene?”

Director, sighing: “I curse the day that Stella Adler shot out of the womb. You don’t need motivation. You just need the script. And in this script, for this scene, you are trying to convince Ricardo to cheat on his frigid wife.”

Yvonne: “And I’m supposed to roll around in this sandbox in order to do that? Does Ricardo have mental issues? Was there a shocking childhood incident at a playground that stunted his sexual maturity?”

Director: “This scene is taking place in a desert. Therefore, we have sand. Can you make that little connection without consulting your union rep?”

Yvonne: “It’s just preposterous. This set isn’t even realistic. It looks like we’re preparing for a flood in Joan Crawford’s dining room.”

Director: “Would you prefer that we go to an actual desert?  Have you been to one? They don’t have air-conditioning like this studio does. Although the thought of dumping you off and leaving you there does have its appeal.”

Yvonne: “Very funny. I’ve apparently misunderstood who in this room is sexually stunted. One more question.”

Director: “Somebody find me some vodka.”

Yvonne: “Why do you have me dressed like something that will eventually inspire Barry Manilow to sing that ‘Copacabana’ song?”


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