Past Imperfect – #278

SR 1278

Professor Eugene Oregonus is a member of the tenured faculty at The University for People Who Can Actually Afford to Go Here. As such, with that “tenured” angle, just like Supreme Court justices who are worthless but somehow got the promotion, he can say whatever he wants without fear of retribution or termination of employment. Professor Oregonus had these comments to share concerning the sociological aspects of the accompanying photo:

  1. This illicit activity is clearly taking place in an establishment that serves alcohol. Demon hooch is the downfall of society. Unless conservative white men are drinking it. As the Lord has written, or one of the Lord’s PR people, conservative white men are not to be questioned about their activities.
  1. Sophia is clearly a brazen hussy who will do anything to attract a sex partner. No decent woman would hold a stick in such a slatternly manner. She’s probably on welfare and has never done anything important in her life except sign government checks.
  1. The guy on the left is obviously overwhelmed by the appearance of an aggressive female. This is understandable, since he was properly raised in a home where boys are elevated to greatness based on mere anatomy and girls are subjected to a life of disappointment simply because they have indoor plumbing and not an outhouse.
  1. The guy in the middle has a couple of issues. First, he has not been properly schooled in how one should wear a belt. The buckle is off-center, and he is going to experience performance issues when it comes time to whip said belt off and threaten underlings (translation: not conservative white males) who have questioned his authority. Spare the rod and spoil the child and all of that. Second, speaking of rods, it appears that he is contemplating rod-usage that is against nature, staring at alternative access points that he should not be reviewing. This is what develops when people think for themselves, a blasphemy that should not be happening.
  1. The guy on the right is out of sequence, politically speaking. He should be standing somewhere on the far left, to better represent his fascist-liberal tendencies. He is sporting barrettes in his hair, an unfathomable affront to masculinity. How he got into the military is beyond me. (Oh, who am I kidding? Nancy Boy is the result of those Communist Liberals, with their annoying slogan of “equality for all”, who have been making congressional votes in a progressive manner. This is an outrage against the many unrelated authors who constructed the Bible over the centuries, pontificating on the exact thoughts of Jesus, even though none of these authors ever met or sat down with Jesus at the Jerusalem Starbucks to get His actual opinion.
  1. The woman hiding in the background and refusing to fully appear before the camera is most likely a lesbian who is ashamed of the wicked life choices she has made-

Assistant: “Professor Oreganus?”

Oreganus, annoyed: “What is it now? I’ve already told you that I’m not providing you any healthcare. It’s your own fault that you were procreated by people with no money.”

Assistant: “Yeah, we’ve covered that. You are a guiltless god who was born into luxury and you have no concept of the daily struggle. Whatever. Anyway, your check just came from the Koch Brothers. Should I deposit this in the Cayman Islands along with the others?”

Oreganus: “Oh, happy day. See, I’ve told you a million times that morality is a pointless consideration in the accumulation of wealth. Just follow the party line: wait to be told who you should hate this week, vociferously hate them until advised of another target, then attack said new target even if the target has done something your own party has done in the past. People have short memories. That’s how you win elections.”

Assistant: “Yes, so you keep telling me, as if that’s some source of pride. Anyway, about this check?”

Oreganus: “Cayman Islands, of course. If it wasn’t for unregulated and unquestioned funding sources, and some aggressive gerrymandering here and there, we would actually have to depend on people making up their own minds when it comes to elections.”

Assistant: “The horror. The mere concept of a fair election process will keep me awake tonight, as I struggle to pay off my student loans that have an interest rate which most decent countries would consider an outrage, never mind the mystifying aspect that the students should have to get a loan in the first place.”

Oreganus: “I don’t really care, never having suffered financially. Oh, and post this article on my blog.”

Assistant: “But it doesn’t appear to be complete. You haven’t finished desecrating the Wicked Lesbian.”

Oreganus: “Doesn’t matter. I’ve got my check.”


4 replies »

  1. You weave an amazing tale, my dear. And you work so very hard! Surely you must have staggered over to your fainting couch in search of a cocktail or three after all the effort your expended in your proper dissection of this photograph. However, showering you with the appropriate praise commensurate with your efforts is tricky when I need to jump through the hoops of this system. I never write on my blog, so I have no clue how to sign into this bloody thing. But I try, lord knows how I try. We must talk, my dear, about your difficult work…Later, sweetums!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, the immense weight of my need to pontificate on the shadows and images around me is severe indeed, often leading to that “cocktail or three” and the ensuing complications of such. As Hemingway succinctly said (or didn’t say, depending on how you source your quotations): “Write drunk. Edit sober.”

      Regardless of the rumors about my inebriation and my possible lack of social skills, you bring up a very good point: Why aren’t you writing new posts for you blog? You taunted me with your initial efforts, and then you ran askance, mocking me with your wanton avoidance.

      Come Back to the Five and Dime, Sandra Dean, Sandra Dean.

      I know you have it in you. Do it! Said with love and a slight thump on the head…


  2. A previously untainted by lengthy comments by liberal women post!- apologies to the soul above about whose gender I will not hazard a guess. The picture, besides being of budding politicians and film people, with the odd judge or two (federal yet) thrown in (guess who is off camera there? She must not be named)…the picture speaks of the glamorous Sophia in pre-runway model days, her couture off the rack and *gasp* semi-military in flavor. Sophia is obviously showing us that billiards or pool (is there a difference really?) is possible, even for those who are off balance gravity wise due to being top heavy. She is clearly saying Ha! See? I can do contortions as well as any of those skinny, breastless ‘women’ who I know are secretly envious of my girls and their bounciness and size. I’m demonstrating that youth equals limberality (yeah it’s a word. I just made it up) and doing trick shots with pool cues that will be impossible once my pelvic girdle hardens up, due to maturity.” You know, I do believe this is the shot where in Ms. Sophie got tagged by those folks who were making Don Quixote and sealed her fate as a rising star of the cinema firmament…

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is why you reign as a goddess in the Commentary Heavens. There is so much richness and depth in your observations that I tremble at the mere thought of trying to adequately respond in a manner that will keep me on equal footing. But try I must, and so we will go with this: I come from a family of amazingly-buxom women, although said ties are questionable because I was adopted and there’s really no genealogical investment. Still, I have documentary evidence (also known as “primitive drawings scribbled on a napkin in a bar”) that attempting to maneuver the intricacies of billiards whilst bosomly-blessed yet trapped in a Soviet detention center is a challenge for the ages. I weep for those who suffered through such…

      Liked by 1 person

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