Let’s eavesdrop on the wedding participants’ thoughts, shall we? Left to right.
#1 “Father of the groom. I don’t like any of these people here, including my son, but you have to maintain lineage or it all goes to pot and the wrong kings get crowned.”
#2: “Best man. I have done things with the groom that he doesn’t wish to discuss. But he’ll grow tired of that little tramp before too long, and we can finally get that cottage in Wolfordshire.”
#3: “Groom here. I have the slimmest shoulders known to mankind. Some women find that fetching, obviously. Okay, men as well, and things have happened, but you have to understand that we went to a remote prep school and I was lonely.”
#4: “Bride, thank you. Yes, I know about the paternal dislike and the trysting at St. Bruce’s and my husband’s fondness for watching men who participate in sculling competitions. But I’m legally wed, documents have been signed, and I can now afford better hats. That’s all I want, really.”
#5: “I have no earthly idea why my beloved daughter made me come out here. It seems that something rather important is taking place, and there’s much whispering and running about. Has someone been hurt? Will there be an inquest? Is that man holding a camera?”
#6: “I just need to tinkle. I’m still smiling politely, because I’m not old enough to control my own finances yet, but if these fools don’t hurry it up a bit I’ll be forced to toss aside this horrid basket of flowers and head for the nearest tree.”